Les Lobbs Diary
February 2013
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We've negotiated yet another extension on our lease at Ju's, because it just doesn't seem worth going to the boat and then coming back again next month. The weather has brightened up a bit and Dawn has managed to dry the washing outside, while she had a baking session - I wonder how long it will last when the boys find it. I've been scanning a lot of Mum's old slides into the computer, with a nifty gadget that plugs into the usb port. Lots of us in the olden days and our kids growing up; makes you wonder where the years have gone. Christ, I sound as though I'm ready for my cardy and slippers!
I've just had a veiled bollocking for not writing much, from G&T, who are suffering the temperatures of southern Spain.
Well I'll start with the bad news, from my point of view; over the last couple of weeks I've been getting pain across my kneecap, this morning it decided to show me what it really could do and I nearly flaked out. When I rang my doctor, he advised taking painkillers; bugger I should have thought of that! When I left hospital I was given an aftercare number and so I rang them, they couldn't explain what was causing it and have made an emergency appt for me with the surgeon. Dawns opinion is that I have a screw loose.
On the good side it has stopped raining.
While I've been "laid up" I've been using the forum on Wild Camping UK and it has been a godsend; it has helped me keep sane, though some on the forum might question that.
I've had a busy couple of days! The pain in my knee got a lot worse, so on Tuesday, after a lot of phone calls; an ambulance took me into Taunton hospital. At A&E they did the usual pulling bending twisting and when I nearly leapt off the table, agreed that I was in a lot of pain. The X-rays showed that there was no major problem with the joint and that more detailed "imaging" would be necessary; I offered my opinion that a screw might have come loose and was told, in a most condescending voice, that there were no screws; the joints were cemented in place. He didn't reply to my comment that perhaps they should have used a stronger mix. I was dosed up with morphine and spent the night on a ward and, in the morning, a specialist said I must let the surgeon who did the original op take up the problem; the earliest appt is for mid Mar. They have given me a removable splint and told me to use my crutches again; a couple of the docs said that knees can be very painful things, yeah right, as if I didn't bloody well know that! At least, with the splint on, I can squeeze into a car and so Dawn & Steve fetched me home after lunch yesterday. I am now negotiating a long term deal on our stay at Julie's.
The first man married a woman from Italy.
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland.
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a Geordie.
He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees......
If you marry a Geordie girl
Yesterday Dawn drove me to Exeter hospital because my knee was getting worse; after the usual blood tests and X-rays, they had to bend it, to really make sure it was hurting me!! The outcome was that I must see the knee specialist who did the operation; because it was not a normal knee replacement, they would not offer suggestions as to what was causing the pain. They did however give me some stronger pain killers that are numbing it down a bit, and I have an appt with the surgeon on Friday morning at Tiverton hospital.
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks,
"Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat.
All mobile phone users should watch this clip right through to the end, it could save a life.
Emergency 112

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden..

'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?' 'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that nonsense about the rib?
It's been a dry and sunny day and doesn't it make you feel better! Gloria rang to tell us they were sitting on the beach in shorts at Alvor and that, now she has her arm out of plaster, Pat and Phil have just moved on.
I visited the surgeon at Tiverton this morning and he said he would get me into Exeter hospital next week and "stick a needle in and have a look round and then flush the joint through". I'm really looking forward to that! but I'm just hoping he can fix it that easily.