Jokes - risque
Jokes - risque
New stuff always welcome
The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is
the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in a hole.
On top of that, it has two dependants and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER: effective July 1st, 2011, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
5 - 10 cm Nuisance Tax 20.00
10 - 20 cm Privilege Tax 100.00
20 - 25 cm Pole Tax 200.00
25 - 30 cm Luxury Tax 300.00
Males exceeding 30 cm must file capital gains.
Those under 10 cm are eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION...
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in a hole.
On top of that, it has two dependants and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER: effective July 1st, 2011, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
5 - 10 cm Nuisance Tax 20.00
10 - 20 cm Privilege Tax 100.00
20 - 25 cm Pole Tax 200.00
25 - 30 cm Luxury Tax 300.00
Males exceeding 30 cm must file capital gains.
Those under 10 cm are eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION...
Tax Code 2012
A man went into an urologist and told him he was
having a problem, as he was unable to get his
manhood erect.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him.
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.
The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant’s trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear.
So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes he replied,
'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him.
However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.
The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant’s trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear.
So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes he replied,
'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
Elephant man ??
Oranges ?
Susie is a prostitute who doesn't want her Gran to know.
One day the police raid the brothel and line all the girls up outside.
Suzie's Gran walks past and sees her. Quick thinking Suzie, tells her it's a queue for free oranges, so her Gran joins the queue.
When the police get to Suzie's Gran, they are surprised and ask her "how do you do it at your age?"
She replies " I take my teeth out, peel back the skin and suck 'em until they're dry !"
One day the police raid the brothel and line all the girls up outside.
Suzie's Gran walks past and sees her. Quick thinking Suzie, tells her it's a queue for free oranges, so her Gran joins the queue.
When the police get to Suzie's Gran, they are surprised and ask her "how do you do it at your age?"
She replies " I take my teeth out, peel back the skin and suck 'em until they're dry !"
