Jokes - bimbo
Jokes - bimbo
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Girl and the cuckoo clock
New stuff always welcome
One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a
car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the
driver to roll down her window. The first thing he
noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the
driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. "I've pulled
you over for speeding ma'me.....could I see your drivers
license...? "...Whats a license...???" replied the blonde
instantly, giving away the fact that she was as a stump.
Its usually in your wallet... replied the officer. After
fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it.
Now may I see your registration...? Asked the cop.
Registration....whats that...? asked the blonde. Its usually
in your glove compartment, said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling she found the registration. I'll
be back in a minute.. the cop said and walked back to
his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a
check on the womans license and registration. After a
few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this
woman driving a red sports car? Yes....Replied the
officer. Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the
dispatcher. Uh...Yes replied the cop. Here's what you
do.....said the dispatcher. Give her stuff back and drop
your pants. WHAT!!!? I cant do that. It's... inappropriate...
exclaimed the cop. Trust me... just do it..said the
dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car gives back
the license and registration and drops his pants, just as
the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs.....
Ohh no......not ANOTHER breathalyzer....
Blonde caught speeding
Blonde traffic cop
A blonde is pulled over by the cops driving her sports car.
The blonde female traffic cop demands to see the sports
car blondes licence. The dippy driver is rummaging
through her bag trying to find her licence. "It's the one
with your face on it sweety" the blonde traffic cop says
helpfully. The blonde driver immediately hands over her
compact mirror. The blonde cop raises her eyes to
heaven as she looks at the mirror and says "If I'd known
you were a cop too, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her
on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days,
then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two
weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost
nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor
says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde
nods, "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?"
said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
Blonde diet
Blonde eye test
The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes
checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read
various letters with the left eye while covering the right
eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was
which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack
with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to
cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the
letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears
streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor,
"there's no need to get upset about getting glasses." "I
know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart
set on wire frames."
Sally, the blonde, runs crying into the office. "What's
wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my
boyfriend..." gushes Sally. "He was working on the
engine under the hood of his car when the lid came
down and cut off a finger!" "My god!" shrieks Carol.
"Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?" "No thank
goodness," sniffs Sally. "But it was the one just next to
it!"
Blonde amputation
Blonde jigsaw
One morning a blonde called her boyfriend and said
"Please come over and help me. I have this awesome
jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her boyfriend asked "What is it a puzzle of?" The
blonde said "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's boyfriend figures that he's pretty good at
puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him
in the door and shows him where she has the puzzle
spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a
moment, then he studies the box. He then turns to her
and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to
be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to
look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I'd advise
you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these
Frosties back in the box.
A blonde went into a worldwide message center to
send a message to her mother overseas. When the
man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed, "But I
don't have any money, and I'd do ANYTHING to get a
message to my mother." The man arched an eyebrow
(as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked. "Yes,
yes, anything!" the blonde promised. "Well, then, just
follow me," said the man, as he walked towards the
next room. The blonde did as she was told and
followed the man. "Come in and close the door", the
man said. She did. He then said, "Now get on your
knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper." She did.
"Now go ahead ... take it out ..." he said. She reached
in and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused. The
man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well .... go
ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer
to it. While holding it close to her lips, she tentatively
said, "Hello, mom can you hear me?"
Blonde phoming home
Blonde on plane
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first
class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to
coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The
blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job
and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I
have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we
reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses didn't know what to do because they had to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they got the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to her to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her that the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
The stewardesses didn't know what to do because they had to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they got the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to her to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her that the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to
hire herself out as a handyman-type and started
canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the
front door of the first house and asked the owner if he
had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my
porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said,
"How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and ladders that she might need were in
the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard
the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she
realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?" The man replied, "She should. She was
standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde
came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished
already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and
I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the
way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porsche, it's a
Ferrari."
Blonde painter
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