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Les Lobb's Diary
May 2016
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02/05/2016
18.00
These pages are getting missed, so I'll try and get them moving again this month.
Odd start to the month's weather, with rain, sleet, hail and now a lovely sunny evening.
We've been doing a lot in the greenhouse and garden and have now got all the over-wintered fuchsias and geraniums potted up. This has given us more space for summer bedding plants in the greenhouse and cloches. We thought we had got rid of all the bluebells, but the damn things are popping up all over; Dawn is tippexing them (her name for the spot-weeder) because digging them out does too much damage to other plants. Hopefully this week should see the last of the frosts, but you never know. Dawn's been busy with her charity stuff, whilst I've been making kindling and sawdust in the garage.
A couple who work at the circus went to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.

The couple produce photos of their 50 foot motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.

"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied.

They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon!"
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ...Beer. The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted to.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewed enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it..... There are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.
08/05/2016
18.30
Gorgeous sunny weekend - keep it coming.
It was the funeral and memorial service for Mum's friend last week so she's been a bit down, but seems to be perking up today.
Parking charges have gone up in Tiverton and the owner of the tool shop said that was the final straw and closed up shop on Saturday, along with the neighbouring business. Dawn asked for and got his 'A' board, which will make it easier to advertise functions, rather than peppering the telegraph poles with posters.
Mini market yesterday morning, so Dawn was on her charity stall and did well; the sunny weather made for a good turnout.
Greenhouse is bulging and plants are starting to sell, mainly alpines but the summer bedding will be ready next week. Planted our toms into their final containers (B&Q £1 buckets with drainage holes drilled); we will get them strung up when the bedding etc. is gone.
11/05/2016
20.00
Bit of a damp grey day, but not cold.
This morning I was taken on an unplanned shopping trip to Exeter - I don't know how I managed to contain my shouts of joy when she told me where we were going. In the old days we used to have a coffee after shopping, now she's got that sussed - "Can't stop, I've bought frozen stuff"
We did pop out to a nursery this afternoon, to get a few top up plants that we hadn't grown ourselves this year.
Gradually hardening stuff off to give us space in the greenhouse; it's alright overwintering geraniums and fuchsias but they do take up a lot of room.
Great news M&M, we'll try and catch up with you while you're in cream tea land.
A fella, who only has three hairs left on his head, goes to the barber.

Barber " How do you want it ? "
Fella " Part it on the left"

The barber combs it, but one of the hairs falls out. ..

Barber " Er, how do you want it now ?"
Fella "Part it on the right"

The barber combs it and another hair falls out.

Barber "Er, now how do you want it ?"

Fella " Oh, just leave it all messy"
14/05/2016
17.00
Arrived at Taunton just after seven this morning and got some mdf cut at B & Q, before our voucher was out of date. T'was too early to go visiting, so we popped into Sainsbury for some brekky and a spot of shopping. Not to be seen as having favourites, we did Lidl on the way to Julies and I got a couple of yellow courgette plants while Dawn scoured the shelves. After seeing Ju and family we got home in perfect time to cook Mum's lunch and spent the rest of the day pottering about the garden and garage. Now I've finished the window frames, the next job is a 2 tier planter for a friend of ours and towards the middle of next week we have a friend bringing her camper so we can fit a slide out bed for her.
My sex life hardly exists any more, so I've converted to Islam and changed my name to Seldom Bin Laid ......
Bought some 'Jamie Oliver Sausages' yesterday.
On the packet it said 'Prick with a fork'.
I thought, can't argue with that!
I've swapped our bed for a trampoline. My wife hit the roof .....
Had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head.
It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.
My mate makes crockery disappear. I said "are you a wizard?" He said "no I'm a saucerer."
Just bought an ABBA toilet .... wow! what a loo.....
19/05/2016
18.30
Dry and warm this morning when our friends arrived in their PVC for us to alter the bed into a pull-out double; we finished just after mid-day and were enjoying bacon sarnies and a brew when the heavens opened. They are staying in 'The Trout' car park at Bickleigh where they've been made very welcome and we visited them yesterday afternoon for a drink and chat. They were impressed with the pub and enjoyed a good meal there last night.
I finished the planters yesterday and they were collected this evening, so the garage is looking quite tidy!