Orange Tip butterfly
Les Lobb's Diary
July 2016
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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine.
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a
co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
01/07/2016
20.30
Another sun n showers day here in cream tea land.
Jean picked Mum up this morning and is bringing her back Sunday, so chance to get some jobs done. There's a spongy area in the bathroom floor which has gradually been getting worse. We took up the carpet and cut a panel out of the flooring expecting to find a dodgy joist, but were pleasantly surprised to find it was just the chipboard flooring that was sagging. Head of flooring screwed a couple of cheeks to the joists and we fitted a new length of plywood in place of the old chipboard - jobs a good un! There's another spongy bit in the kitchen which we are a bit doubtful about touching; if it extends under the units, we could be looking at a lot more than fitting a ply panel.
The car's all loaded ready for tomorrow's mini market stall, which should be a good one.
02/07/2016
18.00
Sun and showers - no change there then.
Gaffer did OK on her stall this morning, despite the showers which usually keep folks away.
We've decided to leave the kitchen floor until we have to do the whole kitchen, or until someone falls through it.
Earlier in the year we bought a lamb off a local farmer and yesterday we took a shoulder out of the freezer and thawed it overnight. This morning I made up a slurry of olive oil, garlic, rosemary and honey and after scoring the fat, I rubbed this slurry in, seasoned it and left it until midday and then bunged it in th'oven. Served with new pots and carrots, with gravy made from the pan juices, it was proper 'ansom and there's enough left for a curry tomorrow and two meals in the freezer.
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'

So sorry,' says the waiter, 'My mistake, I bring you Peeking Duck!'

06/07/2016
20.00
A smashing day, not too hot, and more importantly, dry.
When the new windows were put in the front of the bungalow, sheets of ply were used to seal off the lounge. We still have one of these sheets left, so today we cut it up to make some folding tables that Dawn can use at her fund raising gigs. The fine weather meant we could work outside, which is easier than chopping up 8x4 sheets in the garage.
Tomorrow is going to be "busy", with the opthamologist coming to give Mum her 6 monthly eye check up in the morning, then after lunch Dawn is taking Mum to the hairdressers. EDF are coming to fit a new 'smart' meter sometime between 12.00 and 16.00 and I may be taking some friends shopping, because he has a swollen foot and his wife can't drive. That's tomorrow sorted then!!
Ann - Dawn says we have that campanula in our cauldrons too!!
A man is watching a game of golf on TV.

However, he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he says to his wife.

"For Heaven's sake, watch them," his wife says. "You already know how to play golf!"

09/07/2016
21.00
We've now got our new smart meter, though the chap told us the phone signal is not strong enough, so until the signal strength improves it will act as a standard meter - ne'er mind.
This morning we took Mum to the audiowotsit place at Exeter hospital to have her hearing aids looked at; we've now got to take her to Tivvy hospital on Monday, for new moulds to be taken.
I've got one of the tables finished, but it's been so muggy that I had a coat of sawdust stuck to me and called it a day. Put a couple of burgers on the barby and had them in the garden with a glass of the dark stuff; good timing cos there are a lot of black clouds heading our way.
Head of craftwork is now knitting baby vests for the bairns in Gambia and making peg bags from sample pieces of roller blinds for r4u.
12/07/2016
20.30
Sunny for most of today but still breezy.
Yesterday morning we took Mum to Tivvy hospital to have her hearing aid impression done, she threw a wobbly and was still grumpy when we got home. Dawn cooked her lunch and we went off to Exmouth so she could calm down on her own. Twas blowy by the shore but there were a few taking the air and a group of youngsters getting surfboard tuition. Head of snacks decided we needed an ice cream so off she trotted and came back with a couple of whippies - very good they were.
Today I went to the surgery to get measured for a longer compression sock, which it seems I'll have to wear permanently (not in bed!) because of poor circulation below my gamey knee. I've finished another table and started on the last one, which I'm hoping to complete tomorrow.
Our chief knitter has finished two of the three vests she is making and is the going to start on the peg and shopping bags next. (in between cooking, washing and gardening, I've been told to add!)
A man stood on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking this maneuver was his attempt to weigh less, his wife quipped, "I don't think that's gonna help, dear."
"Sure it does," he replied. "Otherwise I can't see the damned numbers!"
17/07/2016
20.30
What a scorcher - if it keeps this up I'm going to have to consider growing my fringe longer.
Before breakfast I got some paint on the tables I'm making, because the garage gets too hot when the sun hits the roof.
The rest of the day has been spent pottering (luverly word innit) in the garden and sitting under the brolly with a brew.
We treated ourselves to a pint of the dark stuff this evening along with olives, stilton and crackers; how I keep my figure is a mystery!
The Heacham campers are enjoying themselves with a 'Barsby Fry' for breakfast, spect it'll be dressed crab and mackerel pate for tea.
19/07/2016
17.30
Another melter!
Couldn't do a lot today; I slapped some paint on the tables before it got too hot, then took a few fuchsia cuttings and that was about it.
We've had the big brolly up and been chilling out, until I struck up the bbq just now and we had pork chops with new pots and salad.
Head of crafts is knitting the vests still, when she's awake - the heat has a very soporific effect on both of us, or it could be the wine!
22/07/2016
17.00
Not quite so hot today with a few drops of rain just now.
Yesterday we put the big brolly up and when the sun changed to drizzle, we still sat under it and enjoyed the clean fresh smell that rain brings.
Picking cucumbers and the toms are starting to colour - soon be salads morning, noon and night.
Finished glossing the tables this morning.
Head of horticulture has been oiking a few plants out that were in the 'wrong' place and has sold a fair few cauldrons and troughs of herbs. Fuchsias are selling well this year, so I keep striking cuttings.
28/07/2016
19.00
Today's my birthday and I was asked what I would prefer, to go out for a meal or eat at home. We had a couple of doorstep chops from the lamb we bought in the spring, so catering cooked them with new pots and beans off the garden washed down with a couple of glasses of Tempranillo. Chops just simply cooked with a sprinkling of rosemary and a drop of garlic oil, I doubt we could have had better at a restaurant.
Oops, my glass has just been topped up.
Cheers
Happy Birthday Barry
Monica Lewinski will not be endorsing Clinton
In a statement released today miss Lewinski said;

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton because the last president Clinton left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to November of this election year, citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job she outsourced it to me, and I simply blew it"