Les Lobb's Diary
"My Wife says I never listen to anything she says. At least I think that's what she said".
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and
sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere .
Billy Bob performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then
hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, he lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn
and frayed plaid shirt .
Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears
the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob ?"
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the snot out of me!" exclaims Billy Bob. Then, obviously embarrassed, he says, "Me and the old
lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a
Last few days best described as wet n windy.
The tombola drum is finished and ready for action; that's
pleased Dawn, who can now have the use of her table
again. It was hopeless trying to paint it in the garage, so it
has lived in the conservatory for a week.
I'm going to make a few bird nesting boxes next and head
of R&D thinks wheelbarrow planters would go well on her
stall. I used to make wheelbarrow planters which we sold
in the shop either plain, or treated and planted out with
Broke a chunk off my tooth last night and just rang the
dentist; got me in for 11.10 this morning.
Good service - rang dentist 8.45, appt 11.10, drilled filled
and out by 11.30 - £18.80
Different physio in the gym this morning, obviously thought my name was Anneka cos she said "we'll try and challenge
you a bit more today". Bugger I did sweat, but spose it's doing me good.
Head of fundraising was given a music centre for the charity and thought it wouldn't make much money selling it at a
coffee morning, so finding a parking spot opposite 'Cash Converters', she took it in and came out beaming with £40 in
her hand. Got to watch what I leave lying around now!!!!
What's wrong with this photo?
Peaceful morning ahead, cos Dawn is
manning a charity stall at our village
The charity was set up to buy an unused
toilet block in the village off the council and
rebuild it as a well being centre for folks
suffering from dementia, loneliness
bereavement etc. They have raised more
than half their target and can now buy the
building. Loads of info here
and if anyone is on face book, they would
appreciate a like on their new face book
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg, thilly!
Bright sunshine after a few days of 'orrible winds. We
were fortunate to escape with just a couple of run-away
watering cans and the steps taking a flier off the garage
roof, but there are a lot of trees damaged near here and
a cable down left half the village without power for
Dawn did well at the mini-market and is now preparing
for the 'Big One', a coffee morning on Saturday where
they will use all the donated things for a giant raffle and
tombola. Be nice to see the conservatory floor again, at
the moment it looks like a warehouse while everything
is being sorted and the bric-a-brac priced.
As a new feature, they are going to have a secret
auction for some of the more expensive spirits and
liqueurs that were donated, so I've been making a box
with a slot on top for posting the bids in - be interesting
to see how much they make.
Two Yorkshire men are out fly fishing on the river Wharfe.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in
over 2 months.'
Harry continues quietly fishing, then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob - Women like that are hard to find.'
Two Nuns on a bicycle.....
Two nuns were riding a tandem bicycle down the old streets of Italy.
They were in a hurry to get back to the church so some short cuts were made.
Then one nun leans forward and says to the other, 'I never came this way before'.
The other nun leans back and whispers, 'it's the cobblestones!'
Two Nuns in the bath.........
Two Nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap?"
The other replied "Yes doesn't it".
Not a warehouse, but 'room 4 u' raffle and tombola prizes (and that's not all of it!)
Asked management where my Valentines card was - "I've
made you a bowl of porridge instead" was the reply;
ahhh, ain't luv a wonderful thing!
Dawn and her crew had a cracking do yesterday and
raised £950; not bad for a 2hr coffee morning. Our
conservatory now holds the few boxes of unsold stuff
which, after sorting, will go to an Exeter charity for the
Still raining; shame cos I was hoping to cut the lawn. Have
to start sowing some seeds soon for this year's bedding
plants, probably won't need any heat if the weather stays
For Sale - unwanted Valentines present
Ccccold down yere in cream tea land.
Dawn's total has passed £1000 as final donations etc are
counted in; now focussing on her next fund raising 'do'
and talking about making a load of bunting. She keeps
eyeing up my jim-jams, so I'll probably find stars cut out
of them when I put em on tonight.
I've been laid up for a few days, but if I can get moving
today I'm going to start making some bird boxes before
it's too late in the year. A few people have asked me to
make them and they're not difficult if you use a nail gun
with 30mm brads and decent resin glue.
I keep saying I'm going to make up a jig for holding ply
at right angles while I pin it but haven't got round to it
yet, so I'll ask my workshop assistant to hold them and
get glue on her fingers.
I reckon I've cornered the market - made 4 bird nesting boxes, 3 have sold already.
As soon as management heard, she had me out there with the wind whistling round my jacksie, cutting
boards for some more. Got 2 more glued, pinned and drying in the conservatory, or workshop 2 as it's now
I heard a whisper t'other day about an EU referendum, probably just a rumour though.
The fruit puzzle got a few puzzled, you've got to look really closely at the pics.
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on
a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not
yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast
until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pi$$ed off, so he goes to feed the
chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the
cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and
he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a
bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and
bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he
asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken,
so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the
pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also
saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at
his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
More bird boxes today, tis like a bliddy production line in
the garage; I reckon our village will have the best housed
bird population for miles (all unfurnished you understand).
Still nippy over night, so using the conservatory as a
I've had requests for bird tables, which is something I was
going to try last year, so I'll look for plans online and see
what I can cobble together.
Dawn took the truck in for MOT while I was cutting up the
next batch of ply and came home grinning; passed with no
We picked up some compost yesterday and used it to
replant the strawberry troughs this morning; they look
good healthy crowns, so we may get a few berries
ourselves this year after Mum has finished scrumping.
The nurse has been dressing a wound on my leg that I
did last August; keeps healing and then flares up
again, so this morning I went in for a doppler test.
After being dopplered, she decided there was loads of
blood flow in both legs, so no problem there.
Latest idea is to wrap my leg in a tight compression
bandage, with the proviso that if my toes turn blue, cut
it off! (I presume she meant the bandage) Don't know
what my minder's going to think about doing hourly
colour checks on my piggies, still she did say 'for better
or for worse' and it's got to get better sometime.
There are eight finished bird boxes in the paint shop
now and our 'slap it all over' expert is delicately
Luverly sunny start.
Had to cut the comp bandage off Friday afternoon after
ringing the surgery, the bliddy thing was on fire. Think
I'm allergic to steroid cream and got an appt with nursey
08.30 Monday; bit of a bugger cos I was going to blame
the steroids for my weight gain. It's settled down now
I've got some clearing out to do today. When we had the
boat and the van, I had 3 sets of tools, one set each for
home, boat and van so now I'm going to try and reduce 3
of everything down to what I really need.
Ulterior motive - I'll then have room in the garage for a
March tomorrow, aint it flying by - warmest and wettest
winter since records began according to weather
chappie last night.
Sorted through loads of tools yesterday, I can feel a boot
sale coming on!
Off to see Nursey this morning, then back in the garage
to make a stand for my new planer; I say 'my planer' but
it's actually a secret birthday pressie for Dawn, she'll be