Gatekeeper butterfly
Tombola drum
Les Lobb's Diary
February 2016
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"My Wife says I never listen to anything she says. At least I think that's what she said".
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere .

Billy Bob performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, he lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt .

Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob ?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the snot out of me!" exclaims Billy Bob. Then, obviously embarrassed, he says, "Me and the old lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
Last few days best described as wet n windy.
The tombola drum is finished and ready for action; that's pleased Dawn, who can now have the use of her table again. It was hopeless trying to paint it in the garage, so it has lived in the conservatory for a week.
I'm going to make a few bird nesting boxes next and head of R&D thinks wheelbarrow planters would go well on her stall. I used to make wheelbarrow planters which we sold in the shop either plain, or treated and planted out with primroses.
Broke a chunk off my tooth last night and just rang the dentist; got me in for 11.10 this morning.
Good service - rang dentist 8.45, appt 11.10, drilled filled and out by 11.30 - £18.80
Different physio in the gym this morning, obviously thought my name was Anneka cos she said "we'll try and challenge you a bit more today". Bugger I did sweat, but spose it's doing me good.
Head of fundraising was given a music centre for the charity and thought it wouldn't make much money selling it at a coffee morning, so finding a parking spot opposite 'Cash Converters', she took it in and came out beaming with £40 in her hand. Got to watch what I leave lying around now!!!!
What's wrong with this photo?
Peaceful morning ahead, cos Dawn is manning a charity stall at our village Mini-Market.
The charity was set up to buy an unused toilet block in the village off the council and rebuild it as a well being centre for folks suffering from dementia, loneliness bereavement etc. They have raised more than half their target and can now buy the building. Loads of info here
and if anyone is on face book, they would appreciate a like on their new face book page.
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg, thilly!
Bright sunshine after a few days of 'orrible winds. We were fortunate to escape with just a couple of run-away watering cans and the steps taking a flier off the garage roof, but there are a lot of trees damaged near here and a cable down left half the village without power for several hours.
Dawn did well at the mini-market and is now preparing for the 'Big One', a coffee morning on Saturday where they will use all the donated things for a giant raffle and tombola. Be nice to see the conservatory floor again, at the moment it looks like a warehouse while everything is being sorted and the bric-a-brac priced.
As a new feature, they are going to have a secret auction for some of the more expensive spirits and liqueurs that were donated, so I've been making a box with a slot on top for posting the bids in - be interesting to see how much they make.
Two Yorkshire men are out fly fishing on the river Wharfe.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'
Harry continues quietly fishing, then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob - Women like that are hard to find.'
Two Nuns on a bicycle.....
Two nuns were riding a tandem bicycle down the old streets of Italy.
They were in a hurry to get back to the church so some short cuts were made.
Then one nun leans forward and says to the other, 'I never came this way before'.
The other nun leans back and whispers, 'it's the cobblestones!'
Two Nuns in the bath.........
Two Nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap?"
The other replied "Yes doesn't it".
Not a warehouse, but 'room 4 u' raffle and tombola prizes (and that's not all of it!)
There's a useful site here for anyone who thinks they might have been caught by a UK speed camera
Asked management where my Valentines card was - "I've made you a bowl of porridge instead" was the reply; ahhh, ain't luv a wonderful thing!
Dawn and her crew had a cracking do yesterday and raised £950; not bad for a 2hr coffee morning. Our conservatory now holds the few boxes of unsold stuff which, after sorting, will go to an Exeter charity for the homeless.
Still raining; shame cos I was hoping to cut the lawn. Have to start sowing some seeds soon for this year's bedding plants, probably won't need any heat if the weather stays like this.
For Sale - unwanted Valentines present
Ccccold down yere in cream tea land.
Dawn's total has passed £1000 as final donations etc are counted in; now focussing on her next fund raising 'do' and talking about making a load of bunting. She keeps eyeing up my jim-jams, so I'll probably find stars cut out of them when I put em on tonight.
I've been laid up for a few days, but if I can get moving today I'm going to start making some bird boxes before it's too late in the year. A few people have asked me to make them and they're not difficult if you use a nail gun with 30mm brads and decent resin glue.
I keep saying I'm going to make up a jig for holding ply at right angles while I pin it but haven't got round to it yet, so I'll ask my workshop assistant to hold them and get glue on her fingers.
Childrens puzzle
I reckon I've cornered the market - made 4 bird nesting boxes, 3 have sold already.
As soon as management heard, she had me out there with the wind whistling round my jacksie, cutting boards for some more. Got 2 more glued, pinned and drying in the conservatory, or workshop 2 as it's now known.
I heard a whisper t'other day about an EU referendum, probably just a rumour though.
The fruit puzzle got a few puzzled, you've got to look really closely at the pics.
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pi$$ed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
More bird boxes today, tis like a bliddy production line in the garage; I reckon our village will have the best housed bird population for miles (all unfurnished you understand). Still nippy over night, so using the conservatory as a drying room.
I've had requests for bird tables, which is something I was going to try last year, so I'll look for plans online and see what I can cobble together.
Dawn took the truck in for MOT while I was cutting up the next batch of ply and came home grinning; passed with no advisories.
We picked up some compost yesterday and used it to replant the strawberry troughs this morning; they look good healthy crowns, so we may get a few berries ourselves this year after Mum has finished scrumping.
The nurse has been dressing a wound on my leg that I did last August; keeps healing and then flares up again, so this morning I went in for a doppler test.
After being dopplered, she decided there was loads of blood flow in both legs, so no problem there.
Latest idea is to wrap my leg in a tight compression bandage, with the proviso that if my toes turn blue, cut it off! (I presume she meant the bandage) Don't know what my minder's going to think about doing hourly colour checks on my piggies, still she did say 'for better or for worse' and it's got to get better sometime.
There are eight finished bird boxes in the paint shop now and our 'slap it all over' expert is delicately staining them.
Luverly sunny start.
Had to cut the comp bandage off Friday afternoon after ringing the surgery, the bliddy thing was on fire. Think I'm allergic to steroid cream and got an appt with nursey 08.30 Monday; bit of a bugger cos I was going to blame the steroids for my weight gain. It's settled down now thank gawd.
I've got some clearing out to do today. When we had the boat and the van, I had 3 sets of tools, one set each for home, boat and van so now I'm going to try and reduce 3 of everything down to what I really need.
Ulterior motive - I'll then have room in the garage for a planer/thicknesser.
March tomorrow, aint it flying by - warmest and wettest winter since records began according to weather chappie last night.
Sorted through loads of tools yesterday, I can feel a boot sale coming on!
Off to see Nursey this morning, then back in the garage to make a stand for my new planer; I say 'my planer' but it's actually a secret birthday pressie for Dawn, she'll be sooo thrilled!