Clematis Niobi
Les Lobbs Diary
January 2014
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Who's got a headache then?? Never again!!
We're being blessed with a little more rain, but it's not cold.
I've just maxed out on the data capacity of my hosting option, so I've doubled it, because I don't really want to delete any more online files.
Sunshine and it's raining; what's happened to the weather - I reckon my Gran was right when she said those American spaceships would ruin our weather.
No child minding (mustn't call it baby-sitting!) or visiting today, so I'm leaving it up to management to decide our schedule.
A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and its half past 3 in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?". "But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife." He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeash, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
06.00 - Morning from soggy Zumerset,
Yup tis raining again, so I suppose I'd better give the jogging a miss this morning - I've cancelled my gym membership anyway, since they changed breweries.

Well we've finished all the festive foodstuff, with me having the last slice of xmas cake with my Ovaltine last night; considering we have only a small 3way fridge in the van, head of housekeeping planned it out very well (but don't tell her I said so!).
Always keep your eye on the ball!!! >>>>>>>>>>>
Taunton by the sea (well it soon will be, if this rain keeps up)
Anyone got plans for an ark?
We need to check our battery levels if/when it stops raining - it's too easy and too expensive to forget!
Dawn drove over to Mum's yesterday to take her for an appt at the doctors; she avoided the motorway and didn't meet any serious flooding. John & Jean are travelling back to France soon, so hope the weather calms down a bit as the Plymouth - Roscoff crossing can get a bit bumpy.
Just heard from J&J, they had a good crossing and are now busy unpacking. Also heard from G&T who are already in Spain, near Barcelona - green with envy!!
Steve borrowed our car yesterday, while his was in dock and so we had a quiet day in.
Dawn used Julie's washing machine a couple of weeks ago and threw their doormat in - big mistake; it was rubber backed and buggered up the machine. Julie got fed up waiting for the engineer to ring back, so she and Dawn pulled it out, took it to bits and cleared out loads of pieces of rubber that were blocking the hoses. It has taken three goes, but they seem to have cleared it all and the machine is now working OK, touch wood.
Belated Happy Birthday wishes
Job Interview:

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Older Man : "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Older Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."
04.30 - Too hot!! Our small convector heater, that we've had for years, gave up the ghost t'other day and we had to get a new one from B&Q. We are still trying to get the stat settings right, cos what seems OK during the day is far too hot at night. The birds are having a reet good twistling competition this morning and seem to have woken before the cockerel.
We're off to Exeketer later on, when Steve returns the car; we haven't seen Mum for a few days and she worries about us "living in a van in a field", so we keep popping in to prove we haven't got scurvy.
Oops, shouldn't have mentioned the cockerel, he's just fallen out of bed!
Cor, tis a bit cooler this morning, but at least the wind has dropped.
We had a trip to Burnham yesterday and nearly got blown over - thinks, "will have to put on a bit more weight".
Head of crafts got even more wool for the latest additions to our knitted community - a dragon, a monkey and a badger with a basket of strawberries (don't ask, I did and wished I hadn't!)
Popping to see Mum this morning, after Dawn has taken Alex to school and then may have a ride to Exmouth.
Real fick frost on the car this morning, but the sun's out so should soon clear it. I've got a doc's appt this afternoon to get my pills sorted out - they changed them when I went into hospital.
Lots of woo woos going past the site this morning, in the direction of the motorway; there was a complete snarl up yesterday and we took the back roads instead.
The monkey is finished, as is a little panda that looks like er off Sooty & Sweep (if you don't remember them, don't worry).
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. 'You have no arms !' 'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man ?'..

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied, ' .................... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but....' 'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.
Had a ride over to Burnham this morning; it's a good level place to practice my walking.
I treated Dawn to an all day breakfast, well it's her birthday in March so thought I'd get the present thing over with early. Tragedy struck after we continued our walk - the fishmonger had none of his homemade fishcakes so we settled for a couple of plaice instead.
The trip wouldn't have been complete without a visit to Larkins £1 shop; we didn't want anything but came away with a few "essentials".
I farted in an elevator yesterday ... it was wrong on so many levels.
I've just made Dawn's day - she can't stop laughing. (No Barry, nothing like that!!)
When I got up early, I saw a small slug on the floor and as I can't bend down to pick it up and didn't want it rushing under the cupboards, I sprinkled it with salt. When 'erself got up, I splained what I'd done and she got a tissue to pick it up with. Yup you've guessed, it was a bit of felt from her toy making, nicely seasoned; I think I'm going to be reminded of this quite a lot.
I've got an appt at the Mobility unit in Exeter this morning for re-assessment, they seem to have lost the details for my built-up shoe.
15.00 - No wonder I've been going round in circles, my shoe was 18mm out. We had rain all the way there and all the way back, but are now enjoying a cuppa back at t'van.
We've been doin a bit of forward planning and ordered a 100w solar panel for the boat. Mum rang to say it had arrived and so we zoomed over this morning, to make sure it was un-damaged; twas OK, so it's now stored until we go back to Stafford. On the way back we called in at Tivvy for a couple of pasties for lunch; when we had the shop there, Tivvy had a very busy market, but now it's just a few stalls and not much interest shown in it at all.
Regular naps prevent old age .... if you take them while driving.
Management decided we should go somewhere different for today's drive. We left Taunton and went to Langport, via Curry Rival; excellent views of the flooded fields.
At Langport we took the Bridgwater road and, after a few miles, wished we hadn't; the fields adjacent to the road were flooded and after a few small puddles we hit water across the complete width of the road. There was a 4x4 in front of us, so we were able to see the depth before committing ourselves; I think there were 4 bad stretches before we reached higher ground at Weston Zoyland. On the bright side, we should have a nicely washed bum on the car.
Why is Toblerone triangular in shape?
Psychiatrist "Do you ever look at your wife's face when you are making love?"

Henry "I did once and saw such anger there"

Psychiatrist "Why anger?"

Henry "Because she was watching us through the window"
Well I'm hoping today's check-up on my knee is the last for a while. I've now just got a pre-op for my hernia on Feb 7th (they're only valid for 3 mths) and op on April 3rd. Sorry, this gets more like a medical report every month, but until I get sorted we can't plan much else.
Talking of planning, there's a FMUK meet near here on Feb 14th which we would like to attend and, after that, we're off t'boat to evict 'arry and all his mates and get it into cruising mode. We should have time then for a slow 4 counties trip with a run down to Stourport and back before April. However you know what they say about plans!!
17.00 - Good news, knee man doesn't want to see me again.
Just travelled on the M5 to and from Tiverton; the rain has made mini lakes of all the potholes, which get bigger each trip we make. I wouldn't be surprised to see "No Fishing" signs going up soon, the herons are already eyeing them up.
Cook had put on a slow-cook beef stew which smelt 'ansom when we opened the van; luverly jubbly but I think she puts some sort of sleeping draft in it cos it always makes me sleepy. Cooking tip - add a dollup of blackened Cajun when browning the meat, gives it a bit of zing, yawn, yawn
Ann - Pressy behind door 2; please let me know when you have it and I'll put up the other half.
Catastrophe this morning - I told management I would treat her to breakfast in Burnham (if she could afford it). When we got there, they were ripping out the front of the café and it's the only one we've found with proper seating, most have these airy fairy fancy chairs that send your bum to sleep after a few minutes. The outcome was two rumbling tums on the way home, but we've made up for it now - yum, yum.
These Zummerset folk are a canny lot; not to be beaten by the floods, there is a sign just off the M5 saying "Pick your Own --- Rice".
I'm just dreaming, cos I'll no doubt be made to wait in the car park; you can also have fun there by watching people parking and grinning at them, or shaking your head. Starting the engine and putting your seat belt on usually makes someone stop, so they can take your parking place. I then take a while to find my glasses, adjust the mirror etc and by this time an impatient queue has formed, so I undo my seatbelt, turn off the engine and pick up a newspaper, smiling at the waiting driver.
Ah the joys of shopping!
Another fun packed day for us today, not sure if it's Lidl or Aldi; I enjoy shopping, if I'm allowed in the shop.
I always find it great fun to slip things into peoples trolleys when they're not looking and see the husband get an ear bashing at the checkout. Another of my favourites is to wait until someone is busy, trying to decide on fish fingers or chicken nuggets and then walk off with their trolley and park it round the corner somewhere. If I get caught doing this, my angelic features and profuse apologies usually get me out of trouble.
I need some stainless steel fixings to mount the solar panel on the roof of the boat, so management has agreed on a trip to the "Army/Navy" store at Exeketer; I could spend hours in there, tis like Aladdin's cave.
14.00 - We got the nuts and bolts and while my financial advisor was paying, I slipped off to have a look round. Since getting rid of the oilies I had when sailing, I've never found a really waterproof jacket. I've tried most of them from high tech breathable to seaside plastic, but today I found an Army poncho (like a mini tent with a hood on); it was too good to miss, so I bought it for 'er birthday.
When we got this boat we agreed, fine weather travelling only; if we had stuck to that we would always be within spitting distance of the marina!!