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Les Lobbs Diary
March 2013
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04/03/2013
Taunton
Apologies for the gap, I've had a couple of "orf" weeks but am getting back into the swing of things now. Thanks for the "get well soon" wishes but you may change your mind when you find that I have still got nowt to write about.
I'm still waiting to go back into hospital to have my knee done under g'tee and am more or less bed ridden until then. Dawn drove me to the docs this morning and there is a real feel of spring about with snowdrops primroses and daffs along the Exe valley. The whole family have got coughs and colds so it's keeping nursey Dawn busy.
05/03/2013
Taunton
Great news this morning - I've got my pre-op check at 8.45am this Friday and then 7.30am next Monday for the exploratory op. I'm just hoping it is something they can sort out there and then and doesn't involve more surgery; general opinion seems to be internal scar tissue affecting nerves, which can be rectified fairly easily. Of course it all falls wrong for borrowing Steve's car, but I think Ju & Steve can sort something out for us.
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The horse and mare live 30 years
And do not know of Wines and Beers

The goats and sheep at 20 die
And never taste Scotch or Rye

The cow drinks water by the ton
At 15 life is almost done

The dog at 14 years packs in
Without the aid of Rum or Gin

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for years and dies at 10

But Sinful, Ginful, Rum-soaked Men
Survive til’ 3-score years and ten

And some of us-the mighty few
Stay pickled til’ we’re 92 !
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The Drinker’s Prayer
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I was in the public toilets and had just sat down when a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?”

Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine” The voice said “So what are you up to?”

I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!” From next door, “Can I come over?”

Annoyed, I said, "I'm rather busy right now”

The voice said,“Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions" !!!!!
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HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

DIARY DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband

DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 2600 lives. Twice.
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08/03/2013
Taunton
We left at 07.00 for our trip to Exeter hospital and took the old road from Cullompton for the last stretch; arrived in good time and was first in. After all the usual questions and checks, I was pronounced fit for the op on Monday morning. It was a bit worrying when she brought up the screen for my op, because it listed left knee instead of right but she altered it and said they will check on the morning of the op anyway (last time I had a large X put on my leg with a marker). They have me down for a full anaesthetic instead of the back injection I had last time, but still think it possible for me to come home the same day - we'll see. The sun was out when we came back and it was a good run with light traffic; it'll be good to get behind the wheel again. Dawn not only had to drive me there and back but also cart me round in the wheelchair at the hospital and those things are worse than Asda trolleys.
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I asked my boss what should I do with a delivery of 6 metres of bubble wrap. He said "just pop it in the corner". I was there six hours.
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12/03/2013
Taunton
Howling winds and freezing temperatures; no real snow though, so I suppose that's a blessing.
Had my knee "cleaned out" yesterday, so now it's back to the exercises to get as much bend as I can. After the op, they put me on a machine thingy which kept bending my leg every minute or so, gradually increasing the degree of bend; I reckon it was a leftover from the Spanish Inquisition! I think I tried every painkiller they had but still came home with it humming like a good un. Never mind, if it's done the trick it was worth it.
Talk about, while the cat's away; management has bought yet another pair of shoes, still if she's going to be my chauffeur for a couple more weeks I want her looking smart.
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14/03/2013
Taunton
It's minus 6 degrees, so staying under the covers for a bit longer. Dawn is going to see Mum when it warms up a bit, but I'm not going to risk it, as my leg still feels a bit fragile; took the dressings off yesterday and it looks OK. I really am going to have to get out and about soon - Dawn came back with another pair of shoes yesterday, it's like being married to a centipede!! Alex has his birthday party on Sunday, at the local kids activity centre; last time Granny went she had a headache for ages afterwards.
Dawn has just cleaned off all the pink stuff they paint on when they operate and my knee now looks like a relief map of Clapham railway junction after a bombing raid.
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Since I've been laid up I have had regular visits from Julie's cat Pebbles, these usually occur at mealtimes and this is what I see peeping over the edge of the bed.
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What is the most southerly lighthouse in mainland Britain?
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Use the letters from the word below, to fill in the blank squares, making complete words both down and across.
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Trivquiz
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FORTUNATE
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Trivquiz
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A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia.”

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience then got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
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17/03/2013
Taunton
Alex enjoyed his party and we got a slice of Haribou cake; it was OK, no taste of antelope at all. Guess what Dawn found amongst Julie's stuff, a magazine called Pavers, I expected to see photos of drives and patios, but no, it's shoes from front to back, milyuns of em.
Knee is not progressing as well as I had hoped but, as the boss keeps telling me, it's going to take time grrrrrrrrr.
BC- how's the head?
Heard from G&T nr Portimao, they have only 3 weeks left before returning home to France; they've had a fair drop of rain recently but at least they have the warmer temperatures.
Hymergirl has been quiet, but I expect they have settled back into the laid back lifestyle again.
Thanks to Snowy for some of the latest cartoons.
Trivquiz
Who played Rumpole of the Bailey on television?
21/03/2013
Taunton
Had yet another trip to the docs this morning, to sort out my pills, and he tells me that I've got frush in my froat, so more medicine! Got to book with the nurse next week, to have my stitches out and hope that's the last visit for a while.
Popped in to see Mum, she's looking well and the garden is getting some colour, but the winter pansies did no good this year.The main drag into Tiverton is still closed with diversion signs everywhere, but the grass banks are full of miniature daffs and they look a picture. Steve's car got through the MOT so we can borrow it for a bit longer, but as soon as I can get enough movement in my leg to drive the van, we want to be off.
Trivquiz
27/03/2013
Taunton
Sorry for the delay but I've got nowt to write about.
Yesterday, I had my stitches out and all looks OK, so now I've just got to keep pushing it, to get as much movement as I can. Gloria tells us that Phil & Pat are homeward bound and I 'spect G&T will be doing the same fairly soon.
We seem to have been lucky with the weather down here in Zumerset, it's cold but sunny today; from the pics Ann sent, Peterborough hasn't been so lucky.
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Roadshow'.

"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"...Sticks ?" Paddy replied.
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Happy Birthday
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Happy Birthday
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Trevor
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Dawn &
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Dawn &
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This is to remind those in sunnier climes just what two feet of snow really looks like!
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A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

'Oh, s**t mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f***ing Coco Pops'
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29/03/2013
Taunton
Dawn's birthday today; she had a bit of drama yesterday - as she was taking the trolley back at Tesco, a car turned and ran over her feet! (it's a wonder she didn't deck him) There was a cop nearby who took down all the details and spoke to the driver; there was no major damage, just a bit of bruising.
Jean & Ivan are coming over today and we may go out later, see what the weather does; it's sunny now but still cold.

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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Use the letters from the word below, to fill in the blank squares, making complete words both down and across.
ECONOMIST
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh!t.'
Happy Easter
Happy Easter