Les Lobbs Diary
Apologies for the gap, I've had a couple of "orf" weeks but am getting back into the swing of things now. Thanks for the
"get well soon" wishes but you may change your mind when you find that I have still got nowt to write about.
I'm still waiting to go back into hospital to have my knee done under g'tee and am more or less bed ridden until then.
Dawn drove me to the docs this morning and there is a real feel of spring about with snowdrops primroses and daffs
along the Exe valley. The whole family have got coughs and colds so it's keeping nursey Dawn busy.
Great news this morning - I've got my pre-op check at
8.45am this Friday and then 7.30am next Monday for the
exploratory op. I'm just hoping it is something they can
sort out there and then and doesn't involve more surgery;
general opinion seems to be internal scar tissue affecting
nerves, which can be rectified fairly easily. Of course it all
falls wrong for borrowing Steve's car, but I think Ju &
Steve can sort something out for us.
The horse and mare live 30 years
And do not know of Wines and Beers
The goats and sheep at 20 die
And never taste Scotch or Rye
The cow drinks water by the ton
At 15 life is almost done
The dog at 14 years packs in
Without the aid of Rum or Gin
The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for years and dies at 10
But Sinful, Ginful, Rum-soaked Men
Survive til’ 3-score years and ten
And some of us-the mighty few
Stay pickled til’ we’re 92 !
The Drinker’s Prayer
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down when a
voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine” The voice said “So
what are you up to?”
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!” From next
door, “Can I come over?”
Annoyed, I said, "I'm rather busy right now”
The voice said,“Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s
an idiot next door answering all my questions" !!!!!
HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses,
swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on
this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met
the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
DIARY DAY 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off
the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for
dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very
attractive and attentive.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to
have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious
meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me
to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be
unfaithful to my husband
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to
drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw
me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin
for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let
him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 2600 lives. Twice.
We left at 07.00 for our trip to Exeter hospital and took
the old road from Cullompton for the last stretch;
arrived in good time and was first in. After all the usual
questions and checks, I was pronounced fit for the op
on Monday morning. It was a bit worrying when she
brought up the screen for my op, because it listed left
knee instead of right but she altered it and said they
will check on the morning of the op anyway (last time I
had a large X put on my leg with a marker). They have
me down for a full anaesthetic instead of the back
injection I had last time, but still think it possible for me
to come home the same day - we'll see. The sun was
out when we came back and it was a good run with
light traffic; it'll be good to get behind the wheel again.
Dawn not only had to drive me there and back but also
cart me round in the wheelchair at the hospital and
those things are worse than Asda trolleys.
I asked my boss what should I do with a delivery of 6 metres of bubble wrap. He said "just
pop it in the corner". I was there six hours.
Howling winds and freezing temperatures; no real snow though, so I suppose that's a blessing.
Had my knee "cleaned out" yesterday, so now it's back to the exercises to get as much bend as I can. After the op, they
put me on a machine thingy which kept bending my leg every minute or so, gradually increasing the degree of bend; I
reckon it was a leftover from the Spanish Inquisition! I think I tried every painkiller they had but still came home with it
humming like a good un. Never mind, if it's done the trick it was worth it.
Talk about, while the cat's away; management has bought yet another pair of shoes, still if she's going to be my
chauffeur for a couple more weeks I want her looking smart.
It's minus 6 degrees, so staying under the covers for a bit longer.
Dawn is going to see Mum when it warms up a bit, but I'm not
going to risk it, as my leg still feels a bit fragile; took the
dressings off yesterday and it looks OK. I really am going to have
to get out and about soon - Dawn came back with another pair of
shoes yesterday, it's like being married to a centipede!! Alex has
his birthday party on Sunday, at the local kids activity centre;
last time Granny went she had a headache for ages afterwards.
Dawn has just cleaned off all the pink stuff they paint on when
they operate and my knee now looks like a relief map of
Clapham railway junction after a bombing raid.
Since I've been laid up I have had regular visits from Julie's cat
Pebbles, these usually occur at mealtimes and this is what I see
peeping over the edge of the bed.
What is the most southerly lighthouse in mainland Britain?
Use the letters from
the word below, to fill
in the blank squares,
words both down and
A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just
before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on
my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on,
every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks
later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience then got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
Alex enjoyed his party and we got a slice of Haribou
cake; it was OK, no taste of antelope at all. Guess what
Dawn found amongst Julie's stuff, a magazine called
Pavers, I expected to see photos of drives and patios,
but no, it's shoes from front to back, milyuns of em.
Knee is not progressing as well as I had hoped but, as
the boss keeps telling me, it's going to take time
BC- how's the head?
Heard from G&T nr Portimao, they have only 3 weeks
left before returning home to France; they've had a fair
drop of rain recently but at least they have the warmer
Hymergirl has been quiet, but I expect they have settled
back into the laid back lifestyle again.
Thanks to Snowy for some of the latest cartoons.
Who played Rumpole of the Bailey on television?
Had yet another trip to the docs this morning, to sort out
my pills, and he tells me that I've got frush in my froat, so
more medicine! Got to book with the nurse next week, to
have my stitches out and hope that's the last visit for a
Popped in to see Mum, she's looking well and the garden
is getting some colour, but the winter pansies did no good
this year.The main drag into Tiverton is still closed with
diversion signs everywhere, but the grass banks are full of
miniature daffs and they look a picture. Steve's car got
through the MOT so we can borrow it for a bit longer, but
as soon as I can get enough movement in my leg to drive
the van, we want to be off.
Sorry for the delay but I've got nowt to write about.
Yesterday, I had my stitches out and all looks OK, so now I've just got to keep pushing it, to get as much movement as I
can. Gloria tells us that Phil & Pat are homeward bound and I 'spect G&T will be doing the same fairly soon.
We seem to have been lucky with the weather down here in Zumerset, it's cold but sunny today; from the pics Ann sent,
Peterborough hasn't been so lucky.
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Roadshow'.
"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who
operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good
"...Sticks ?" Paddy replied.
This is to remind
those in sunnier
climes just what two
feet of snow really
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear
first, then you swear after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
'Oh, s**t mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f***ing Coco Pops'
Dawn's birthday today; she had a bit of drama yesterday -
as she was taking the trolley back at Tesco, a car turned
and ran over her feet! (it's a wonder she didn't deck him)
There was a cop nearby who took down all the details
and spoke to the driver; there was no major damage, just
a bit of bruising.
Jean & Ivan are coming over today and we may go out
later, see what the weather does; it's sunny now but still
Man who walk through airport
turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Use the letters from
the word below, to fill
in the blank squares,
words both down and
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a
house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh!t.'