Jack, nee Tosser, now living in the UK
When driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
When you're right, no one remembers. Yet when you're wrong, no one forgets.
Les Lobbs Diary
January 2013
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Let me start off by wishing everyone a very happy and healthy new year.
Yesterday I visited my doctor to sort out my pills and he said that I should go back in a month; we have therefore taken an extension on the lease at Julies. The flood water is back on the Wellington road with more rain still falling; where's it all coming from? All the turkey and gammon has now gone and we are halfway through the Xmas cake that Mum made us. Just heard from G&T who are heading south, after visiting Barcelona - I'm turning green.
I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry. The doctors said I'll be fine, but I have to warn you - the Dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name!
Warning To You Guys
A text from Gloria tells us that Pat has had a bad fall and broken her arm; the last time I spoke to Pat, they were roaming the Algarve. This morning we had a trip to visit Mum; she has just had her annual MOT and was pronounced magnificent for 97! It seemed strange travelling on dry roads with no wipers on, but there is still water laying in the Exe valley, so it needs a lot more dry weather before it all soaks away.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, 'Where were you between four and six?' I said, "Nursery school"
When you're right, no one remembers. Yet when you're wrong, no one forgets.
Ever noticed that
Look out, Lobby's driving again!! It was a bit foggy this morning but that soon cleared, so I took the wheel for a trip to Burnham on Sea, where we had a stroll (a short one) along the front. To break the walk, we stopped for a coffee and then I watched the lifeboat being recovered onto its trailer after they had been practising, while Dawn scuttled off into town to do some shopping. We actually had sun on the drive home and by the time I got back in the house my knee was aching like a good un, but tis a start.
When driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
Trevor :- I'll put skype on in the evenings, then you should be able to catch us in!
Ever noticed that
Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" -- "Mike--it's me, Joe." -- "You're not Joe. Joe just died!"

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice." -- "Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!!"

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're in the team for this Saturday".
I'm getting the hang of this driving lark now, we have been to Exeter a few times and done some shopping trips. Taunton was grid locked last evening after a big accident near Creech Castle and then someone decided to end it all by walking in front of a bus; it took Julie three hours to get home. Our Indian summer is over - it started raining again this afternoon and the forecast is for a drop in temperatures and snow, just what we need! G&T are continuing their trip south along the coast towards Gib., and finding wifi access a bit difficult.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
The snow's arrived and the schools are closed, so the kids are outside for a while and then back in with pink noses and numb fingers - bless um. We visited Mum yesterday and took her some shopping; Dawn made sure her indoor freezer was well stocked so she didn't have to go outside. We rang this morning to check on her and she was baking bread and watching the snow fall. Another finished blanket has now joined the collection, we'll soon have enough for a boat cover.
18.00 - We've just got back from the hospital and they think I'm on track, but I must cut down on the exercises, as I am doing too much. The next appt is 6 months so we can start arranging our return to the boat. The M5 is clear of snow but the amount of traffic is like midsummer, I suppose everyone is avoiding the smaller roads.
Oh Whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormouse win'
The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A 'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a havnae shat ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell. it's no ma worry
A 'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too Late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae fell welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty
Efter the feastie
Robbie Burns night poem
Artery -------------The study of paintings
Bacteria-----------Back door to cafeteria
Barium-------------What doctors do when patients die
Benign--------------What you be after you be eight
Caesarean Section------A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan---------------Searching for kitty
Cauterize------------Made eye contact with her
Colic--------------------A sheep dog
Dilate------------------To live long
Enema-----------------Not a friend
Fester------------------Quicker than someone else
Fibula------------------A small lie
Impotent--------------Distinguished/ well known
Labour pain---------Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff--------A doctors cane
Morbid------------------A higher offer
Nitrates-----------------Cheaper than day rates
Node---------------------I knew it
Outpatient-------------A person that has fainted
Pelvis--------------------Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative-------A letter carrier
Recovery room-------Place to do upholstery
Rectum------------------Nearly killed him
Secretion----------------Hiding something
Seizure-------------------Roman emperor
Tablet---------------------A small table
Terminal Illness------Getting sick at the airport
Tumour---------------One plus one more
Urine-------------------Opposite of your out
2x Condoms --------To be sure, to be sure

Paddy’s Irish Medical Dictionary.
Still raining; at least there should be no canal closures yet.
Roger and Gloria rang last evening, to let us know that they were in France and the car was towing well; they've even fitted a reversing camera - posh or wot!! We are taking gear over to the van, ready for an early start Sunday, if I can get it off the grass, which squeezes water up round your shoes when you stand on it.
Another change of plan: I've just been to the docs and he wants me to go back in a few weeks for blood tests, so it seems daft going up to the boat till they are done.